i'm alive...still.

dear lord,
this time around, i need more moo-lah..
there are too many pretty things laying around,
waiting to be adorned,
and i,
can only do so if i have the ka-ching=)
=) =) =)

there're too many things that i NEED.
i had to capitalise the word to show the urgency and truth to it.
mind you,
not want,
but NEED.
*i'm sure you get the point by now*

so, ive been slpin at 4-5 am every night lately..
ahh, slowly killing my skin.
what to do?
yesterday, i laid awake,
suddenly sylvia ganush of drag me to hell came to my mind.
she's one heck of a scary old lady.
fortunately, i have enough thoughts of pretty bags to get her off my mind
eek...slimy flam...*shivers*

other than that,
so very happy cause so many ppl are gona be back.
lin's leaving today tho..
but, others are arriving today or tmr...HAPPINESSS=)

ahemmm...just if you're wondering,
b4 you make assumptions that miss yeoh's unhappy,
just cause i'm actually blogging,
no worries,
these days,
i've been at ease...
painfully blissful,i'd say.
not in a state of bliss,
but not terribly depressed.
they take alternate turns.
so, i'm pretty much numb by now.
things had been stressful, every weekend, i wonder if we're gona fight,
which means not spending the entire weekend together,
or if we're gona b okay,
which means, we'd probably spend the whole weekend together.
people ask,
how do i stand it? not knowing when he'll blow or not?
my answer:
drama's my middle name. ( i happen to have a lot of them, i've realised)

=)

i pray....

dear Lord,

tonight i pray.
i pray that the sun will be brighter tomorrow.
i pray the night would be less lonely.
i pray that i'd do right with my life.
i pray i'd think right.
not with my heart, but with my mind.
i pray i'd make the right choice.
unaffected by emotions, based on past experience.
the past has opened my eyes,
i pray i wont be deluded by feelings.
i pray i wont fail to see pass the facade of things.
i pray i wont fall prey to the wrath of love.
i pray i'd have the wisdom and strength.
come what way, i'd face the storm.
in the name of the Lord i pray,
AMEN

mayhem

the month of may.

it's almost the mid of the year, as much as i've said this before.
as much as it's become inevitable,
it never fails to surprise me how time flies.

this month, i've been with him for a month.
this month, marks the start of my finals.
this month, has been chaotic.

so much has happened, not sure if i could keep up.

things have changed, not sure if i could comprehend.

alteration defies constance.

it's not change that i seek.

if only things could stay the same, even if it's just one day.

when a rock turns into gem,

when beauty turns into beast,

when things turn sour,

what could i possibly turn to?

hidden at a corner,

secretly lurking,

silently stalkin,

threatening to consume,

to devour should i allow it.

FEARs.

stop you ascend.

i fear that things will change.

i fear i'd stand alone.

i fear that it will end.

i fear that i would stop.

i fear that he would quit.

i fear that i'd oblige.

i fear that i'd stay.

i fear that i'd fall.

for the past weeks,

things have not been smooth.

it's hard to realise within a month,

how we're so alike and different.

while things were so magnetic at first,

we're starting to repel, i swear i feel it.

of all the things that convinced me much,

i think i'm starting to sway.

help me find my reasons to stay.

convince me of otherwise.

simply because,

i WANT to.

baby news

old habits die hard,
and mine would be??
blogging only when something's bugging me.

first up, i've been trying to keep things discreet,

low key,

low profile.

not an easy feat when u're living in penang.

*sorry ting, wanted to let things stabilise first*

if there should be any news,

i'm out of my 3-year-long dating hiatus.

it took me two weeks to dive head first into it after two weeks of knowing him

not my usual, typical stunt.

NOTHING close to it.

but i did it somehow.

dont know why,

dont know how i was convinced.

it's just not so typical of me.

yet,

nothing's typical of this relationship.

sometimes people say things,

though they've asked us to take no offence.

sometimes we just cant help but to wince.

*you know, you never fail to make me feel like an ugly duckling*

_i truly mean it_

not too good=(

words;
funny thing arent they?

the power the hold over our emotions,

a word or two could make a huge difference.

some handle them superbly well,

others not as smooth.

but is it really possible for own to control her own figure of speech at all time?

can one really think things through before saying anything?

tho i may not be as idiotic to blab out things that are completely insensitive,

i do have my fair share of mistakes.

what can i say?

i'm only human.

i am not able to disect everything i'm about to say.

i am not capable of steering clear of making offences.

i speak my mind.

=)

while liking someone is not enough to be with someone,
while loving someone is not enough to be married to,
while being married does not mean you've found the love of your life,
what does it come down to?
so unconvincing and vulnerable,
why do we still pour ourselves into it?
doubtful and curious,
how do we feel those two at the same time?
the past, not sure if i want to know.
the future, not sure if i dare to know.
the present, not sure if i really know.

gahh?

blogshop

HELLOOOO....
as you can see...i'm in a good mood today.
cause....
it's finally done!!
yep...my online blogshop.
for those who knew about it de..yes, it's finallyy up.
as for those who didnt,
i think you've figured it out by now.
here's the page.

www.lip-smackin.blogspot.com

cheers!!