ran-dom

i miss alot of things.
but mostly, right now,
as of this moment,
i miss having rich, sensible things to say

i must have lost the ability,

whilst exploring the blondie side of me

but then again,

there's nothing much that i have to say anyway.

when you have nothing smart to say,

dont say a thing.

;a term i've come to understand a long time back.

and a term i shall practise this day on.

hello, world.

back from hiatus.
a couple of stuff missing, yes.
but really, can one really delete a person off their life?
if there's a button, i'd press it without a second thought.

the main reason for the initiave?

i need my ranting ground.

pronto.

girls are leaving soon,

ting, yeng,denise, leena.

some are already gone.

this time around,

it feels different,

cause i might be next.

blessed be me if i get to.

but when's the next time i'll see em again?

*sad*

happy birthday to me..

when he doesnt even bother texting you much,

when he doesnt bother calling as much,

when 30 mins on the phone is considered long,

when so much has to be said and done in order for him to spend time with you,

when the rest of the world wishes you happy birthday but him,

when you're fighting back tears on your birthday,

you know where you stand,

your importance, easily measured.

your suspicion is proven right.

your doubts deemed necessary.

you're taken for granted.

now,

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT THAT???

i deserve more than this shit you're giving me.

i deserve to be treated better than this.

how long will you take to realise that?

.

i'm fucking frustrated with what has become of us.
every damn day, i feel like tears are just waiting to run free from em eyes.
i dont need you,
i dont want it,
yet i cant bring myself to leave you,
WHY,
god-damn-it

why cant i do it?!?!

when every fucking day i feel so disconnected,

unappreciated,

a freaking wall flower.

i WANT to end this.

i'm alive...still.

dear lord,
this time around, i need more moo-lah..
there are too many pretty things laying around,
waiting to be adorned,
and i,
can only do so if i have the ka-ching=)
=) =) =)

there're too many things that i NEED.
i had to capitalise the word to show the urgency and truth to it.
mind you,
not want,
but NEED.
*i'm sure you get the point by now*

so, ive been slpin at 4-5 am every night lately..
ahh, slowly killing my skin.
what to do?
yesterday, i laid awake,
suddenly sylvia ganush of drag me to hell came to my mind.
she's one heck of a scary old lady.
fortunately, i have enough thoughts of pretty bags to get her off my mind
eek...slimy flam...*shivers*

other than that,
so very happy cause so many ppl are gona be back.
lin's leaving today tho..
but, others are arriving today or tmr...HAPPINESSS=)

ahemmm...just if you're wondering,
b4 you make assumptions that miss yeoh's unhappy,
just cause i'm actually blogging,
no worries,
these days,
i've been at ease...
painfully blissful,i'd say.
not in a state of bliss,
but not terribly depressed.
they take alternate turns.
so, i'm pretty much numb by now.
things had been stressful, every weekend, i wonder if we're gona fight,
which means not spending the entire weekend together,
or if we're gona b okay,
which means, we'd probably spend the whole weekend together.
people ask,
how do i stand it? not knowing when he'll blow or not?
my answer:
drama's my middle name. ( i happen to have a lot of them, i've realised)

=)

i pray....

dear Lord,

tonight i pray.
i pray that the sun will be brighter tomorrow.
i pray the night would be less lonely.
i pray that i'd do right with my life.
i pray i'd think right.
not with my heart, but with my mind.
i pray i'd make the right choice.
unaffected by emotions, based on past experience.
the past has opened my eyes,
i pray i wont be deluded by feelings.
i pray i wont fail to see pass the facade of things.
i pray i wont fall prey to the wrath of love.
i pray i'd have the wisdom and strength.
come what way, i'd face the storm.
in the name of the Lord i pray,
AMEN

mayhem

the month of may.

it's almost the mid of the year, as much as i've said this before.
as much as it's become inevitable,
it never fails to surprise me how time flies.

this month, i've been with him for a month.
this month, marks the start of my finals.
this month, has been chaotic.

so much has happened, not sure if i could keep up.

things have changed, not sure if i could comprehend.

alteration defies constance.

it's not change that i seek.

if only things could stay the same, even if it's just one day.

when a rock turns into gem,

when beauty turns into beast,

when things turn sour,

what could i possibly turn to?

hidden at a corner,

secretly lurking,

silently stalkin,

threatening to consume,

to devour should i allow it.

FEARs.

stop you ascend.

i fear that things will change.

i fear i'd stand alone.

i fear that it will end.

i fear that i would stop.

i fear that he would quit.

i fear that i'd oblige.

i fear that i'd stay.

i fear that i'd fall.

for the past weeks,

things have not been smooth.

it's hard to realise within a month,

how we're so alike and different.

while things were so magnetic at first,

we're starting to repel, i swear i feel it.

of all the things that convinced me much,

i think i'm starting to sway.

help me find my reasons to stay.

convince me of otherwise.

simply because,

i WANT to.