a walk down the cemetry

slept at 4 a.m.
woke up at 7 a.m.
went on the whole day.
tired, maybe.
complaning, nope.

i started my day today at the graveyard.

not very typical, i know.

but believe it or not,

i actually find it really peaceful there.

i like the feeling it gives me,

the peace and quietness.

am i weird?

i dont think so.

cause those who've been there with me would think the same.

as oppose to what horror films have imposed on us,

it really has a calming effect.

fresh air, lotsa green,

minimal sunlight peering through the leaves,

leaving us with just enough warmth..

and the PEACE.

the effect it has on me is pure magic.

did i mention the dogs there?

friendly bunch.

friends who've been there with me would have received a ground tour,

the dog's tomb,

the armies',

my grandpa's...

that place intrigues me in ways one can never imagine.

i love stories.

and that place is full of it.

the dates,

the words on the tomb,

the names.

it makes you wonder what they're like,

if the words mirror a certain part of them,

the name, who could the have been.

but there's always one thing i'd notice.

the DATES.

how it all started?

how did it end?

how did they live in that period?

what was it like?

endless questions,

wonders and curiousity.

some were of 18th century,

some 19th..and so on.

the older it is,

the more it interests me.

just by looking at them makes me feel like i'm looking at a part of history.

the abundance of mystery they hold is just captivating.

and today,

one caught my eye.

a 19th century one.

it said E G CULLEN,

i just watched twilight yesterday.

edward cullen is more than 100 years old right?

things like that just sets off imagination.

lol.

..

if things are going fine, why the heaviness?
..
...
....
.....
nope, i dont have an answer to that.
cause things are never really 'fine' to begin with.
there's always going to be mountains in our way,
and we'll always try to make em move.
at what expense; i wouldnt know.

sometimes,

no matter how much you tolerate,

no matter how much you take others into consideration,

it'll just come back and haunt you.

what's there to do when caring turns into hurt?

can one just stop and not be bothered?

or just live with it?

so many things pent up in me,

none i could tell.

i dont know who to turn to.

forgiveness.

anger.

frustration.

how does one open his mouth and ask for help?

..i just cant..

first time!

sunday, 10.00 am
i rushed there expecting to find a few girls in 'uniform' lingering around only to find none.
went up to 'her' got my uniform and changed in the portable sanitary thing aka plastic box for people to pee in.
i sighed a sigh of relief the moment i saw the uniform.
FUIHHHH.......it was neither slutty, nor skanky.
it was actually more decent than the dress i had on before i changed into it.
haha...so much for slutting away for the day.

i was like UBER excited the day before.

probably cause it was my first time working for someone else;

being NEW.

at the same time, i was quite worried.

i mean, i have seen those car roadshow's chics.

painted an interesting mental pic for myself too.

but heck, it's good money.

plus, they didnt even make me put on em boots;

omg, couldnt thank the good lord enough.

so there i went, 5 hours on heels.

had a few interesting encounters as well.

notice i've been using the word interesting often?

cause it was!

fyi, i was a goodyear tyre's promoter,

or so i was told in the midst of everything,

goodyear tyres ambassador.( what what??)

and i was left to stand there to figure out who was who,

boi...i didnt even noe i was talking to my boss until he handed me his namecard.

i thought he was some chiko taking pics with me.

basically, my job was to hand out flyers and SMILE.

first, i handed this man one.

he smiled and asked,

got staff price ah?and a bunch of other stuff.

my reply,

no sir.you can still check out what's going on there.yadayadayada

30 minutes later,

i saw him ushering a bunch of other rich lookin ppl( invited guests)

apparently he's one of those 'up there'

felt like smacking myself in the head right there and then,

SUCH AN IDIOT, i tell ya.

btw, i was referrin to me.

then there's this other fella,

so miss, are these run flat tyres?

me being blur,

huh? what's run flat tyre?

thankfully, another dude came to my rescue,

i was too grateful for his help i couldnt rmb what he said,

until i heard..

erm, that i'm not sure, you'd have to ask her..

her? i asked her and she asked me back the same thing!!

*deiii...sarcastic much????*

tempted to lash back,

i was told to stand here, smile and be pretty ( feel free to keep your opinions to yourself; at least i tried?) and distribute these.pfft!!

my hero, happened to be bmw rep,

i was the ONLY goodyear promoter there and fyi,

they left me there, ALONE

with a bunch of flyers..

no info, no price, no nothing.

gahhh..was i frustrated.

after 5 grueling hours under the hot sun, i practically ran back to my car.

the pay,

i cant complain, of course XD

insomnia....

it's 635 in the morning.

no, i'm not early.

just that i couldnt sleep.

GAHHH......

too many things.

i cant help to think about.

i cannot NOT think about.

something has to be done.

guess a lil

hush.
quiet.
silence's here.

no words.

no sound.

it's here to stay.

the wind.

the echoes.

gone.

welcome.

don't.

leave me be.

alone.

ME.

goodbye.

please.

i plead.

will you?

pfft

frustration overload.
need a new bag.
gahhh

two cents worth

I guess it's about time I write something long and essay-like since I've been spoilt by the grace of micro-blogging. In fact, I've been writing those 5 words sentences so often that I'm beginning to question my ability to actually come up with a decent essay. So here it is, a decent, 'long' blog instead of the usual to prove that my years of essay-writing in high school are yet to be wasted.
It's safe to say that after months of deliriously indulging in the emoness that has become such a vital part of my personality, I'm happier. No, the responsibilities have yet to show mercy but it's alright, I've learnt to embrace it. None the less, despite the extra stuff that I'm plunging into, I feel alot lighter, lighter than how it's been for the past few months.
Over the past few months, I've learnt to let go. I can now rub the scar and not feel it throbs, stare at the past and not to be haunted by it later. From denying everything, I've managed to come to a point where I stop pushing them away. While I've mastered the art of denial, I've come to terms with the art of acceptance as well cause if there's anything I've learnt, when you can deny no more, just take it in. That's my two cents worth right there.

dumb acts

we were chilling, playing cards.
he walked by, shouted hello.
she looked up, returned a smile.
he went on, walked into a metal stand.
we stared at each other,
broke into laughters.
he turned back, murmured good-bye.
embarrassed.

lol.

and i thought stuff like that are too comedic to happen in real life.

e-mode

a promise i've made,
a closure i've drawn.
bonded by a string,
tied into a knot.
undo it you can't,
tighten it, i must.

a line i've drawn,

by force, perhaps so,

by will, i'm not sure.

but what's done, is done.

turn back, please dont.

look back, dare i?

trails have been covered.

tracks, erased.

from oceans to sky,

distance's the limit.

deny it i'll try,

embrace it i cant,

accept it i must.

they say get on,

i say, trying.

they call it pessimism,

i call it reality.

...

i used to chase after perfection,
now, perfection haunts me.