dah dum!

i'll admit,
today was not as auspicious as i've hoped it would be.

woke up at 10 a.m

"ting!!results out de....faster go check, then tell me k!!"

kayin la tu...enthusiastic melebih-.-

that kid got pretty sweet grades.

good for him.

and no, he doesnt know yet.

my phone's credit's dead.

results were fine.

not good, but ALRIGHT.

moving on....

you know what urks me lately?

my french teacher.

i can already sense that this sem was not going to be pretty.

taking beginner 4 and intermediate 5 at the same time.

not all teachers are as obnoxious, and HE isnt entirely as well.

but, there's just something bout him that makes me wanna GAHHHHHHH.

i'd blame the aura.

he has this lil smirk thing going on.

very successful one as well.

makes you feel like the most idiotic person on earth,

and he does it soooo friggin effortlessly.

i almost envied him for that.

another thing is, what's up with french and geography?

these people seem to know the entire world atlas by heart.

no kidding, they know their shits.

so right, we've always been quizzed on geography in class.

the best i could manage was:

i'm sorry, our syllabus went as far as southeast asia.

not that i was ever bothered to have the 'extra' knowledge.

but i'll tell you..

after the series of SMIRKS.

that's it...

i've had enough.

list of countries with their respective capital and languages practised.

ALL OF THEM tabulated.

i now have in my hands,

19 sheets of tables.

and,

i'mma memorise them.

*sheesh*

...

tease me all you want after this,
but heck..you try to think straight when desperation kicks in!

so right,

i was looking at the 'chinese calendar'

21st of January...

it says....

ahak!

AUSPICIOUS DAY

whoot~~

not bad..not bad.

updates...not reallyy

results are going be out tomorrow...
am i hyperventilating yet??
aha...not YET.
but the nerves are DEFINITELY getting to me
*runn!!!!!!!*

i was thinking...

dare to be different.

an easy line to say,

an easy line to agree on.

easy to follow?

*smirks* you tell me that...

i was thinking,

what if i prefer to skip the uni life..

and start my own business...

own business at 18.

it's sounds great and stupid at the same time.

blablabla...

if it fails...you've got nothing to back you up...

what if you succeed?

yes you might fail....

you'll learn...

the road less taken..

dare i be different?

haha...i'm too much of a chicken.

*oh wells*

always the chicken...

mad woman!

no matter how nicely i try to put this, it's gonna come out pathetic..so why bother neh?
it's the twentieth time i've been scrolling down my contact list...
frankly, there isnt a single soul out there that i could talk to, whine to if you'd prefer that.
who'd entertain ma nuisance.
while i want to talk to someone, i dont feel like it at the same time.
there isnt anything tht i wanna talk about. hence nothing to say anyway.
but i cant stand staring into the ceiling, not being able to sleep.
so the whole, i wana talk, yet i dun feel lk discussing anything at the same time, is frustrating.

i've resolved to coming online. NO ONE's here-.-
so i took out the solitaire thingy...and man the pegs are scary.

one sideof it is the shape of a star, the other, a fugly creepy looking clown.*shivers*

perhaps my final resolution would be me, getting a brick, putting it next to ma bed
so i can just knock myself out when i have to.i doubt counting sheeps would work.
reading? lids are too heavy, tired and sleepy, but i cant sleep...
do i sound crazy?
*happy thoughts* *happy thoughts* *happy thoughts*
repeated chanting.....

I AM CRAZY!!!

okie, if you would kindly ignore whatever that has been said up there.

thank you.

rantings....pfft

*someone please slap the shit outta me*

-.-

10:30 am

i heard a buzz from somewhere above my head, very persistent one indeed.

i swear, there's no greater annoyance and agitation

than disruption of my sleep.

it's serious business, no kidding.

if i've not warned you, now i do.

my sleep is not to be disturbed=)

so right, the no was 22...something something...

i thought it was bird mouth, te

irritated, i answered..in a tone, with an attitude..lol..

not pretty.

" WHAT?!?! hamisu?!?"

a laughter came through...

"bonjour, cava?? how are you my dear??"

oh shits~

ma professeur de francais?

yeah, what a morning.

-.-

halting stop

xanga finally stopped being a bitchXD

lets see how long it can keep its bitchening acts to itself..

HAK...bitch.

anyway..i was surprised to see that it's not entirely dead.

i thought no one would go there by now.lol.

ah well....SMILES

=)

just watched mixing with the best outta boredom..
i must say...i got REALLY thirsty after that..=)
coincidentally, they were shooting at france, paris to be exact..
cocktail heaven..HEAVENLY!!

hence, it's ma new personal mission to:
1. make sure i try out as many cocktails as i can in one lifetime around the globe
2. have a full bar in ma home in future

whoever said cocktails are for pussies is wrong...
these pretty lil things are to die for..
and they dont get you pissed drunk...
the colours!!

of all things i could write...

of all things she can forget,
she forgot how to smile.
of all things she knows,
she knows not how to laugh.
of all things she could lose,
she lost her grip on things.
of all things she can remember,
she couldnt recall happiness.
of all things she can realise,
she realised, it's too late.

of all people she can fight,

it's her, she's fighting.

of all things she can see,

she sees what could have been.

of all people she can trust,

it's her now, she cant.

of all things she can hear,

her heart echoes silence.

of all that she regrets,

genuine bliss tops the list.

when is too much, overwhelming?

when is too little, depriving?

who's to know, which is right and what not?

if there's indeed a book,

depicting right from wrong,

would we swear by it?

the art of denial

denial,

my constant companion and practice of late,
faithful and loyal,
the first i run to when faced with doubts,
simplest of all solutions it seems,
an easy exit to matters of all sort.
conducting it however,
i could only wish was as simple.

the art of denial,
i'm proud to master.
acknowledgement before denial,
is the fundamental step.
acceptance of the fact you ought to deny,
then, deny the fact you've come to accept.
ironic, you say?
indeed so, like most of the things in life.

yet, can a master of denial deny pain?

hurt above all else,

disappointment and what not?

can one deny uncontrollable surge of emotions?

intensified with every attempt of denial.

can one regret what that has been denied,

along with it,

what that has been accepted?

on the other note,

musnt one be convinced,

a theory be laid out,

with reasons to uphold,

before acceptance can be made?

confusing and complicated,

with quite an interesting twist,

to comprehend reality,

we propose theories,

supported by excuses, only too easy to be made up,

which in return, accepted,

only to be denied in the end.

are you not confused yet?

follow if you may,

tell me I think too much,

yet, could you not agree with me?

accept my humble piece of perspective on life,

only to deny later that life isnt as complicated as it seems.

see, DENIAL.....rather inevitable,no?

happy new year...not quite

1-1-09

truth be told,

i'm not too keen to enter the year 2009,

yet, reluctantly i did.

i fail to share the same enthusiasm as others,

can't seem to feel hopeful.

how dare i?

yes, i do have a clear idea of my plans this year.

my plans, my steps, laid out.

but for now,

there's this hollowness,

building up in me.

puzzles have come to fit perfectly

things are cloudy no more,

how could i not have known?

how could i have doubted my hunch?

tho, this sudden but expected realisation is not doing me any good.

confirmation to my qualms,

one i would gladly avoid.

but i will, and i must.

i WOULD come to term and deal with it.

denial is my talent, one i would not use this time.

it's been a long deliberation,

to ignore the ache,

consistently telling myself that

i have more than enough reasons to be grateful,

i have no right to allow this gut-wrenching 'feeling' to dwell in me,

I SHOULD BE HAPPY

yet, should i be convinced, would i need much reasoning?

or

i can simply accept the simply fact that i'm indeed not feeling very upbeat.

grateful but just not happy.

make peace with my uproar of emotions

fill in the empty spaces, ridding the hollowness.

how??

work as hard as i may,

do as much as i could,

there would come a time when my head hits the softness of the pillow,

instantly, i'm consumed and overwhelmed by the wave of uneasiness.

its intensity doubles every minute.

eyes closed

thoughts afloat

sleeping, a constant struggle.

to acknowledge or to ignore,

would it have made much of a difference?